This post is about that.
For many years (13+) I have wanted that.
To possess my own home.
The last time I remember
the true feeling of “home” was at age 11.
We were living in an modest house
on a beautiful place complete with rolling hills and a running creek.
I loved it for sledding and for the forest at the edge of the property. I felt like a greatexplorer!
Loved the finished basement with pool table, shuffleboard and the T.V. where I watched Apollo 13 land on the moon.
Loved how we as a family would go on payday to Stewart’s Drive In
Loved the snow forts my Dad helped build, and the shed he cleared for the neighbor kids to use for a sleepover. Well, ok, sorta sleepovers ’cause we always got scared and ended up moving to the basement for the rest of the night! Loved the church where I sang and did Bible crafts.
A sense of family. A sense of belonging.
Then. we. moved.
Some children needed care, and Mom and Dad’s hearts were pulled to the neighboring state to fill that need. I reluctantly tagged along. But I was leaving “home”.
We moved once more after that. These moves were to give others that same sense of family that I cherished; a place to belong in a Children’s Christian Home. With these experiences I became more flexible, more fluid with the River. At least I thought so.
When my own family left the mission field in Honduras to allow our daughter to complete her studies in the States, a part of me stayed behind. I was not prepared for this move. I thought we would be living there for many, many years. I was not expecting to move so soon.
I didn’t yet comprehend the path that Abba had for us. I presumed that I knew and tried to walk that out.
But my steps were ordered by Him, so they always led me to a place unexpected. It can be uncomfortable, confusing, and awkward at first, until you begin to recognize the shift and discern the times. Like breaking in a new pair of shoes. It is a process.
The process is not meant to please , but to develop one’s potential!
Until we learned that our “shape” had changed, we were unsettled. And with its change came a different function.
We are shaped to be fluid. My husband and I are to bend and move as the River flows. Sometimes that means being wide open with a mighty current, other times it is nearly still and seems like nothing is happening at all. But still water runs deep! A friend of ours recently made a statement about us that is simply profound. She said “…but you live in tents”. Yes, we do. That is our shape. Others may be skyscrapers, or homes built of stone. But us- we are fluid.
The River has boundaries, it has a course carved out by its flowing.
We have been in an advanced course of learning how to respond to the movement of the River.
As the River flows, anything in its path is changed.
As I reflect back upon the last several years– nearly 9 of them, I ask what the lessons learned are?
The lawsuit brought a settlement of great gain. Yet we have not held a penny of it in our hands to this date. That has tested us. We heard someone say “Money costs too much”. And fin the first few years of this “season” I began to understand this. The price seemed unfair, yet the appeal of wealth would cause us to dream. And dreaming is good. Abba wants us to dream. But the dreams must be founded upon Him and nothing else. The Lord had to do a work in us so that nothing glittered and not one shimmer remained when we thought of the settlement.
The appeal had to die. It was either it or us, and Abba is not willing that any should perish. Water changes the shape of anything in its path. We needed some smoothing, some shaping and some polishing. So He sat us under a great and powerful waterfall.
It was overwhelming at first.
At first we wanted to shake our fists and leap out from under the torrent! By His gentle but firm grace, we stayed. We had to teach our ears to listen. We heard so many things. Thundering threats, taunts,and condemnation from the enemy through other Believers; news of what was happening that most would not believe; all these had to be sifted and weighed. Our hearing has become keen. Instead of being deafened by the roar, we learned to hear the mightiest still Voice.
And He said “Peace, be still” to each and every one of our complaints, questions and despairing cries.
What more have we learned? That God is for us, God is with us, regardless of how it looks to others or how it feels to us!
This matter is settled in us. Engraved-in-stone-like-a covenant settled!
We are convinced of God’s choosing, His favor and His presence. He is not only with us, but He is MIGHTILY with us. He is not only “greatest within us” but He is the GREATEST. No one compares to Him. He is the Great I Am. No weapon formed against us has prospered. Many were formed in the fires of hell, but not one has prospered! But our souls, they have prospered and that process had nothing to do with any jingle in our pockets! NO AMOUNT of money can buy that assurance. We would not trade that assurance for one cent of the settlement nor one inch of any property. What began as a home grant based upon ministry experience has ended with a gift so much more valuable, so rare and so very priceless!
You see, when you are in the waterfall’s torrent, you are also engulfed in the promise!
I have an amazing husband. Truly. For many months my cries to “go home” reached his ears several times daily. He never became angry. He never showed anything but love and compassion, and the deep desire to make that happen if he could. And I know that if he could have, he WOULD HAVE! In any normal situation, that would be an option and a goal. But we surrendered ALL options to the Lord in a sovereign commission 9 years ago. He asked us to “come up higher” and exhorted us that we could not change our minds once we agreed. We said YES. And Yes means yes. Not maybe, not part way, not all but this. YES. Sure, certainly, absolutely, indeed, right, affirmative. Carved-in-stone-like-a-covenant- “yes”.
That yes was not swayed by the legal battles that after our response quickly ensued nor the atypical challenges we face. It was a covenant between us and God. We took the limits off of Him. Like Job, we have not understood much of what has transpired. Unlike Job, we have seen God keep two amazing properties under contact for over 4 years! Every attempt to rob us of this has failed. They are part of His plan and we have but a glimpse of it. Sometimes I wish I had never seen them. Other times I am awestruck at even being considered for part of this divine plan. If we never, ever step foot on either one, we shall yet praise Him. We abide.
We wait. We wait for the River’s rise and velocity to shift. When it does, we will not be overcome, but we will move with it, allowing it to carry us to the Father’s appointed destination. And we know that anywhere He carries us is Home.